Man with Big Cock

Back by popular demand, man with a big cock!

Ass Joke:

A proctologist walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a
rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to write with it.
Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great! Some asshole's got my pen!"

Cock Joke:

Why don't a Chicken wear underwear ?
Because his pecker is on his head....

Ass AND Cock Joke:

A cocktologist walked into an ass. Preparing to ass a cock, he pulled a
rectal cock out of his ass pocket and tried to give head with it.
Realizing his ass, he looked at the underware with a pecker and said, "Well, that's cock, just cock! Some asshole's got my cock on his head!"

The Tail of the Chicken

The Federal Aviation Authority has a device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. They point this thing at the windshield of the aircraft and shoot a dead chicken at about the speed the aircraft normally flies. If the windshield doesn't break, it's likely to survive a real collision with a bird during flight. The British recently built a new locomotive that could pull a train faster than any before it. They were not sure that its windshield was strong enough so they borrowed the testing device from the FAA, reset it to approximate the maximum speed of the locomotive, loaded in the dead chicken, and fired. The bird went through the windshield, broke the engineer's chair, and made a major dent in the back wall of the engine cab. They were quite surprised with this result, so they asked the FAA to check the test to see if everything was done correctly. The FAA checked everything and suggested that they might want to repeat the test using a thawed chicken.

BHON End of School Year Story

The mind of a six-year old is wonderful.

First grade...true story.

One day a first grade teacher was reading the story of
Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the
story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.
She read, and I quote...
"...and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said,
'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!'"

The teacher paused, then asked theclass,
"And what do you think that the farmer said?"

One Little boy raised his hand and said,
"I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next ten minutes.

Another BHON School Story:

A third grade teacher is discussing jobs with her class, asking each
student to tell the rest of the class what their mommies and daddies did
for their jobs.

"What does your daddy do?", she asked little Susie.
"My daddy's a doctor. He helps people feel better when they get sick.", Susie replied.

"And what does your daddy do?", she asked little Johnny.
"My daddy's a fireman. He saves people from fires.", little Johnny replied.

"And what about your daddy?", she asked little Timmy.
"My daddy's dead.", said little Timmy.

", I am sorry to hear that Timmy."
"What did he do before he died?", she said, trying to regain her composure.

"He turned blue and shit on the carpet..."

And Yet Another...

A Catholic Priest, a Lawyer, a School Teacher, and 3 children
are stranded in a lifeboat after a nautical disaster. Suddenly
the lifeboat springs a leak. There are only 5 life jackets on board.

"We have to save the children!", cried the school teacher.

"Fuck the children!", shouted the lawyer.

"Do you think we have time for that?", was the response from the priest...

Why did the chicken cross the road?


Pat Buchanan:
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

Louis Farrakhan:
The road, you will see, represents the black man.The
chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample
him and keep him down.

Bill Gates:
I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999.

The Bible:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken,
"Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.

The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

L.A. Police Department:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary:
Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Richard M. Nixon:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

Saddam Hussein:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Saddam Hussein #2:
It is the Mother of all Chickens.

Dr. Seuss:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed it, I've not been told!

If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.

Martin Luther King, Jr.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Joseph Stalin:
I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.

Carl Jung:
The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and, therefore, synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

John Locke:
Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.

Albert Camus:
It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.

It was a government conspiracy.

It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens.

Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.

Darwin #2:
It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Oliver Stone:
The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

Jerry Seinfeld:
Why does anyone cross a road?
I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

The Pope:
That is only for God to know.

Immanuel Kant:
The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.

In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.

George Orwell:
Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.

Colonel Sanders:
I missed one?

For the greater good.

To actualize its potential.

Karl Marx:
It was a historical inevitability.

Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

B.F. Skinner:
Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium from birth, had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own freewill.

Jean-Paul Sartre:
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Albert Einstein:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Pyrrho the Skeptic:
What road?

The Sphinx:
You tell me.

Emily Dickenson:
Because it could not stop for death.

Ralph Waldo Emerson:
It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Ernest Hemingway:
To die. In the rain.

It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.