BHON - Niagara Hops and Wing Ding
November 29, 2003:
By Roving BHON Reporter Bang J.
Cool, here we go again. Another Wing Ding, WooHoo! What’s this, Market Place?? What happened to the Armory? Oh well, beer and wings work no matter where you are. Unless I am going to freeze the balls on my brass monkey, going to check it out anyway.
Get there. Hey, nice building! And it’s warm too! Bonus! Go inside, coupon in hand. Eight bucks ain’t so bad. Wander around a bit. Crap, first one here. I’ll check the place out and see what’s going on before the gang arrives. Quick count, 5 wing places and 6 breweries. What’s up with that? Could have sworn that there were a lot more places at the Wing Ding last year. Oh well. Wander down to the end with the Live Entertainment. Oh NO! I see a bass sitting on the floor. I wonder if it going to be the same band as last year. God I hope not.
Mike G shows. WooHoo, lets get some beer! Any reason for a beer! Set a brother up! Walking in you still get a bottle of water. What’s this? A plastic glass? Hey this one has some markings on it! At least we’ll get a consistent 6oz of beer!
Go to the first place, County Durham. Have their Black Katt (a nice stout). Check out who else is here. What, no Cool beer? Guess the BHON seal of Approval (read kiss of death) was too much for them. Ah well, another good brewery bites the dust.
We scan the scene. Damn, only two good looking girls out of all the displays. The girl at Cameron’s and the girl at the Honest Lawyer. Well could be worse, there could be NO hot chicks around here.
Derek Jones, Patrick and Johnny Z show up. Hey John, who’s the older lady? Your old neighbour, across the street from Derek H? Well, what ever turns your crank man. She likes beer and wings. She’s cool with us!
Oh listen, the band’s starting. Wander over, crap, same band as last year. You would think that 97.7 would be able to come up with a better band. Mental note, call Derek M and see if he can book Pimp for this place next year.
What’s the beer count? 8 or so. So far, most of the beers are really good. County Durham, Sudds, Niagara Falls Brewing Company, Slavutich, Cameron’s and Great Lakes Brewery. Hey, time to get some wings.
What do we have for wing places? Honest Lawyer, Merchant Ale House (cool, know those names), The Wing Warehouse (interesting), The Olde Angel Inn and Garciolli.
Let’s start with the Wing Warehouse. With a name like that, it should be good. What can I get for this here token? Two wings?? That’s 50 cents a wing! These better be good. Aw well, breaded, soggy and not that spicy. Where are you from?? Port Colbourne? Guess that’s what happens when you ship wings in from Port. NEXT!
The Olde Angel Inn from Niagara-On-The-Lake. How pretentious! Let’s have your best! Mild and medium only? Ok, medium it is. Humm, tastes like Kraft BBQ sauce. Scratch you off the list of possible BHON sites.
Let’s try the Honest Lawyer. There’s a line up so that raises the hopes for good wings. What do we have? Holy Crap, 5 choices! Wing award for best selection. Let’s see - Honey Garlic (pass), Mild (pass), Medium (maybe), Cajun (cool) and Suicide (Ding ding ding - we have a winner). Grab some suicide and cajun. Make sure we have a beer before we go eat (Cameron’s it is - hey cutie, beer me!) Let’s try the suicide. Holy Shit! Pork Chop sandwiches! Get the F out of here! We’re all going to die! Shit, 6oz of beer ain’t enough to put out this fire. Look over at the rest of the guys. Patrick (bless what’s left of his heart) ate one! There has to be at least 4 buckets of sweat under him right how. His eyes have bugged so far out of his head that I am sure he will be able to check the rofar tomorrow without moving his head. The rest of us are trying so suck as much air in as possible through throats that are swelling shut from the heat. Damn, these are good wings. Trying the cajun but can’t taste them through dead taste buds. Well, I’ll go back later for some when the fire dies down.
Look over there, the judging table. They look a little cooler than last year but still not BHON representation. Wait, here comes the chick from the Honest Lawyers. This should be good! Eat a wing, bob a head, jot a note. Wait for it. Eat a wing, bob a head, jot a note. Wait for it. Eat a wing, eyes bug out, mad dash for beer, water and whatever they can get their hands on! Bingo, suicide wings! One judge has a napkin stuck to his forehead, another is doing his impression of a fish out of water. The lady judge looks like her panties just burst into flames. This is priceless. Mike is snapping pictures like crazy. We have proof!
OK, it’s getting late. Johnny Z’s gotta drive back to Port so he’s outta here. Patrick is not long after that. Mike, Derek and I figure one more for the road and then we’ll be outta there as well. Mike runs into one of the organizers. Turns out that they were planning to have it at the Armory and then the Armory backed out 3 weeks ago. They scrambled to find a new place and got the Market Square. By that time, most of the vendors that they had lined up had bailed and these were the ones that stayed with them. General wing award for the ones that stuck to it. Special wing awards to the Honest Lawyer (cute girl and kickass wings), Cameron’s (two lookers by the end of the night) and Patrick (7 bucks) Poncet for his suicide wing adventure! Hope the next morning isn’t too painful mon frere.
BHON Poses with the WingDing Mascot!
The Cameron’s girls pose for the Camera!