Schnitzel Corner TavernAddress: 1837 Merrittville Hwy - Fonthill
Parking: Beside all the kids driving mom’s car
Intersection: Hwy 20 & Merrittville Hwy
Last Reviewed: October 23rd, 1997
Wingage Score: 7%
|BHON - 1997
Overall - 1997:
What the fuck was that? The waitress plopped the basket of wings on the table, our hearts sank. The looks on our faces were the same look that a kid has at Christmas when he opens up a present and it’s a puppy, only dead. Oops Johnny, we forgot the air holes. What did they do to those wings? These poor chickens were cooked and covered in sauce BEFORE they were out of the egg! WOW! HOLY CRAP! JEEZ! SONAMABITCH they were small, YIKES! The image below is not altered in any way, it is a whole wing and not just a hunk of meat. I don’t care how cheap these Weight Watcher wings were, they were a ripoff. As the Minister of Jocularity put it, these were chicken flavoured tooth-picks. The good news is that the chickens didn’t die from obesity, they must have been on a hunger strike.
Oh yeah, I forgot to slam them for only having O.V. or some light beer on tap. Isn’t that the preferred brew of old alcoholics with urine stained pants? Yukko.
Exhibit A: Here’s a sample of the feast found at the Schnitzel Corner Tavern.
Note: This is an undoctored image, freakin eh?
Here’s a little more info on the "Micro-Wing"
I would like to thank the Minister of Exhibitions for his research on the Schnitzel "micro wing". His research shows that some steroids have a reverse affect on the common chicken. I took the liberty of forwarding the Schnitzel wing to the US Department of Defence. I had a hunch that there was something really different about the wing. A week later I called and asked them about the origin of the wing, and what kind of chicken would be of such a small stature. They said "What wing? We have no chicken wings". I referred the PCN (Poultry case number) and they said "That was not a chicken wing, it was a piece of a weather balloon. Don’t talk about this to anyone, especially the media". Well, the Schnitzel Incident is getting more and more peculiar!
There has been an interesting twist to the chart seen on the BHON page. After looking at the chart, I decided to contact some of my sources at the EPA (External Poultry Affairs). My main source, who wishes not to be named at this time (we’ll just call her Hot Lips), has divulged an interesting piece of information regarding the chart the CIO has posted. There is a frightening sub connotation to the figures in that by the year 2040 the chicken will rule the world. It has something to do with the injection of steroids and general steroid use amongst chicken farmers in the vain effort to produce the super chicken wing. Her research shows that by 2040, the average chicken will weigh in around 180 lbs and stand 62" tall. By her calculations, chickens will actually rule the world should we stop eating wings!!! When shown the undoctored picture of the wing from the Schnitzel Tavern, her reply was "That was just a fluke." Obviously the farmer had tried the new drug Grandural, which is suppost to create large wings and drums without the usual side effects of regular steroids. It has come to our attention that Grandural has the opposite effect on chickens than it did on the lab mice that it was originally tested on." Stay tuned for further developments...
Vice President of Exibitions and Minister without Portfolio or Pants
P.S. I wonder if this explains the wings at Sizzlin Charlies as well???