So today I took delivery of a new Dell PowerEdge for one of my clients. Nothing exciting....just a basic server with hotswap RAID & power supplies to run their Point of Sale system. The only stipulation the software vendor had was that the server be running a 32-bit OS. Just try and guess what could go wrong with this scenario...

I unpack the box and lug its heavy ass onto the workbench. Let’s see....first I’ll go through the packing list and make sure everything’s here.

• Server & Hardware - check
• Dual Power Supplies - check
• 2 Power cords - check
• Keyboard, mouse, manuals etc - check
• OS Media pack & Windows Server CAL’s - check
• Wait....what does it say on this DVD...Windows Server 2008 R2 Standard Edition 64bit - Uh oh??

So I fire the server up, hoping they made a mistake and just shipped the wrong media. After accepting the license agreement and completing the rest of the Windows install I click on System Properties....Windows Server 2008 R2 Standard - 64bit....Fuck. Looks like I am reformatting this cocksucker. Dell FAIL...

No big deal...I have Dell OS media coming out of my ass, but I do want to make sure I’ll have the correct disks and licenses on-hand before delivering the server to the client.  

Let’s see....how about we start by calling the 1-800 number entitled Dell Customer Care which is printed right across the top of the packing list? Sounds like a good starting point. Little did I know this would be the start of an epic journey that would consume the next hour of my life....

Recorded Message: Thank you for calling Dell Canada Customer Care. For service in English, press 1.....

Me: Presses 1 for English, 3 for Sales Support....

Dirka1: Thank you for calling Dell, may I have your order number please?
Me: Gives info.
Dirka1: Thank you, and can I have your customer number please?
Me: Gives info.
Dirka1: Thank you. How can I help you today sir?
Me: I just took delivery of a PowerEdge server. It was ordered with Win2008 Server Standard 32-bit edition, but shipped with Win2008 Server 64bit version. I would like the correct OS media.
Dirka1: Oh, I am terribly sorry but I see you are a Dell Business customer. Please allow me to transfer you to the Dell Business Customer Support department. Thank you for calling Dell.

Click....beep, boop, beep, beep....5 mins of elevator music....

Female Dirka1: Thank you for calling Dell, may I have your order number please?
Me: Gives info.
Female Dirka1: Thank you, and can I confirm with you your service tag number?
Me: Gives info.
Female Dirka1: Thank you. I see you are calling about a PowerEdge server. Please allow me to transfer you to the server support department. They will be able to help you further. Thank you for calling Dell.

Click....beep, boop, beep, beep....5 mins of elevator music....

Dirka2: Thank you for calling Dell, are you calling about PowerVault NAS Storage or Tape solutions today?
Me: No, I am not. I am calling about a PowerEdge server that shipped with the wrong OS.
Dirka2: Oh I am very sorry for your inconvenient experience. I will transfer you now sir. Thank you for calling Dell.

Click....beep, boop, beep, beep....5 mins of elevator music....

Disinterested Sounding White Dude1: Thank you for calling Dell, this is Trevor. Can I have your service tag please?
Me: Gives info.
Disinterested Sounding White Dude1: Thanks, what seems to be the problem with your server today?
Me: I just took delivery of a PowerEdge server. It was ordered with Win2008 Server Standard 32-bit edition, but shipped with Win2008 Server 64bit version. I need the correct OS media.
Disinterested Sounding White Dude1: Oh...well that’s not really a tech support issue. Can you hold for a minute while I transfer you to our Microsoft OS Support department? Thank you for calling Dell.
Me: Do I have a choice?

Click....beep, boop, beep, beep....5 mins of elevator music....

Broad1: Thank you for calling Dell, this is Rachel, may I have your service tag please?
Me: Don’t you already have it in front of you? I’ve read it at least 4 times now.
Broad1: So what is the problem you are having with your operating system?
Me: I just took delivery of a PowerEdge server. It was ordered with Win2008 Server Standard 32-bit edition, but shipped with Win2008 Server 64bit version.
Broad1: Oh, well that is really a sales issue.You should be calling the sales department. Have you called Customer Care?
Me: Uh yeah....that’s where I started. You’re the 5th person I’ve been transferred to.
Broad1: No problem, I’ll transfer you now.
Me: Oh for fuck sake....
Broad1: Thank you for calling Dell!

Click....beep, boop, beep, beep....5 mins of elevator music....

Tex1: Thank you for calling Dell Customer Care. My name is Raymond, may I have your service tag please?
Me: Gives info for the thousandth time.
Tex1: And what seems to be the issue with your order today sir?
Me: I just took delivery of a PowerEdge server. It was ordered with Win2008 Server Standard 32-bit edition, but shipped with Win2008 Server 64bit version.
Tex1: Oh....well that’s a problem! Let see here..... Oh....are you calling from Canada?
Me: Uh....yeah? Is that a problem?
Tex1: Well this is Dell USA Customer Care. I really can’t help you, but I can transfer you to Dell Customer Care Canada? Could you hold on for a minute?
Me: Oh for fuck sakes....
Tex1: Thank you for calling Dell Customer Care.

Click....beep, boop, beep, beep....5 mins of elevator music....

Recorded Message: Thank you for calling Dell Canada Customer Care. For service in English, press 1.....

Me: Fuck....I’m back where I started!!!! ARGHHH FUCK KILL....Mashes 1 for English, 3 for Sales....

Dirka3: Thank you for calling Dell, this is Amanda, may I have your order number please?
Me: growls order number....
Dirka3: Thank you. How can be helping you today sir?
Me: I just took delivery of a PowerEdge server. It was ordered with Win2008 Server Standard 32-bit edition, but shipped with Win2008 Server 64bit version.
Dirka3: Oh yes....so let me confirm that it is the Windows 2008 Server Standard 32bits edition you are needing sir?
Me: YES...IT IS THE WINDOWS 2008 SERVER STANDARD 32BIT EDITION THAT I AM NEEDING THANK YOU.
Dirka3: Can you confirm the service tag number for me sir?
Me: M as in Mohammed.
Me: J as in Jihad
Me: D as in DirkaDirka....etc
Dirka3: Ok...allow me to confirm your address 80 Granthams Ave is that correct sir?
Me: Correct
Dirka3: Ok...your confirmation number for this order is.....it will be shipped to you right away. I am sorry for your troubles sir. Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Me: Looks at phone....call timer at 48mins 35secs....."Can you give me back the last 48 mins of my life LOL?"
Dirka3: Very good sir, thank you for calling Dell.

Total Call time: 48:51 - Fuck me!

To Dell’s credit, the server media arrived by Purolator the next morning! In the meantime, I double checked the original order and realized I had ordered Server 2008 R2 Edition. A quick Google search later revealed that the R2 version only comes in a 64bit version. Oops....My bad! Don’t tell Dell....