The DBSP Rating System
The Drunken Bar Slob Percentile Wing Evaluation Scale
BHON evaluates establishments based on the DBSP System. In order to
yield a high overall rating, a prospective wingery must conform to
the many criteria outlined below:
WING SIZE: /10
Ideal chicken wings should be big and meaty, with an equal distribution of
both flats and drums throughout the batch. To achieve a high score in this
category, the prospective wings should require several bites to clean to
the bone. Big, meaty wings will yield a high score in this category,
while puny hummingbird wings definately will not! Nuff-said!
WING PREPARATION: /10
Proper preparation can make or break a batch of wings. Here, we look for a
crispy outer skin and juicy, properly cooked chicken meat throughout.
Undercooked wings result in a sloppy, slimy texture while overcooking
results in dry, flavourless wings. Points are also deducted for
inconsistency within a batch or between batches, along with excessive
greasiness or freezer-flavour that can result from using pre-cooked frozen
wings that have been sitting around for far too long.
WING TASTE: /10
A highly subjective category! Some members of BHON prefer a sweeter
barbecue taste, while others prefer a tangy, spicy taste. We give base
points for wings that meet our general expectations of what consitutes a
standard Buffalo-style sauce and add/deduct from there. A wing that
appeases the majority of the crowd will get the points here. Points are
also awarded for unique sauce - is it just ketchup and Frank's hot
sauce, or was there some effort put into it? Points will be
deducted for bland or overly vinegary sauces, excessive greasy flavour and
off flavours resulting from improper preparation. (Cooking the wings in
the same oil as the day's fish-fry is a definate no-no!)
SAF (Sauce Adhesion Factor): /10
Again a subjective category. Some members of BHON prefer a drier,
crispier wing, while others prefer them saucy. However, too little
sauce yields a bland, desert-storm style wing, while too much yields
a slimy, soggy wing. Kept between these extremes, and general consensus
says you'll be ok. Bonus points for bars that give us the choice
between saucy and dry, cajun style, sauce on the side, or breaded and
WING PRICE: /10
Here's where many establishments also suffer...their wings are just
too damned expensive! I mean come on...Wings are a snack food! A batch of
wings shouldn't cost the same as a prime rib! BHON has recently
experienced wings that were in excess of $1.00 apiece, and when you're
ordering them 100 at a time, it makes for a costly night! Combine this
with expensive beer, and we generally don't stick around long.
WING VALUE: /10
This rating is determined by weighing the wing price against the wing
size and quality. In all fairness, places may advertise cheap wings,
but if they are puny and unappealing, there's not much value!
Conversely, some places might have costlier wings, that are big and
tasty. BHON will always choose quality over price, provided the price
is not too outlandish!
WING HEAT: /10
A subjective rating based on how hot those hot wings are! Ideally
hot wings should have a nice kick that makes you stand up and take
notice, without being painful! If you can't finish the tray because
your friggin face is melting off, they were definately too hot!
(see also ROFAR)
ROFAR (Ring of Fire Alarm Rating): /5
This rating does not get averaged into the DBSP score. It is given
to wings that had a noticable afterburner effect the following day.
(You know what we mean!) 0 = No Problem 5 = Battery Acid Enema!
EFL (Environmental Flatulence Level): /5
As with the ROFAR rating, the EVL score was introduced as an
indicator of wings that produce highly combustible gases. A level 5
means clear the building and stay away from open flame.
Points given for an inviting, cozy, comfortable environment and for
unique decor features: patio, pool table, dart boards, couches, fireplace etc.
Points deducted for: flourescent lighting, plastic lawn furniture,
plastic beer cups, ugly decor and excessively loud/crappy music.
(Also known as the "Francis" factor) We're looking for cool people
here. Someone who'll take the time to insult and abuse us, while
bringing us beer and wings in a timely fashion. A personality is the
key here! Many bars would have scored much lower if it were not for
the attitude of the server!
TAVAR (T+A Value Added Resource): *BONUS*
Perhaps not the most politically correct category, therefore is only
used where it will improve the overall score. To be fair, an
establishment's environment can be improved sigificantly by a high
TAVAR. (Or at least it tends to distract us from other negative
environmental factors ;)
BEER QUALITY: /10
A variety of premium beers on tap earns a high score in this
category. At the very minimum, an prospective wingery should at least
have Rickard's Red (The official BHON beer) or an equivalent dark
beer on tap. If we wanted water...
BEER PRICE: /10
No pitchers? No draft? Bottles only? These will result in a poor
beer price score.
OVERALL BHON EXPERIENCE:
Often, at the end of a BHON meeting, it becomes too difficult to
do the math due to excessive beer and wing consuption...therefore,
it is often necessary to assign an arbitrary score based on the above.
A general group concensus is used to determine the overall score
based generally on whether everyone had a good time.