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"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her."
-- W.C. Fields --
|Well folks, here we are at the end of another year. One which I am sure nobody will miss! As the COVID-19 pandemic rages on and we endure another round of economy-crippling shutdowns and restrictions, it’s sometimes hard to find things to be thankful for. Christmas will certainly look different this year without the traditional gatherings of friends and family, so I encourage everyone to raise a glass and reach out to those who may be feeling lonely this holiday season in true BHON style.
The pandemic also took its toll on BHON activities this past year. Although we adapted to using Zoom meetings and getting together on makeshift patios in bar parking lots, it certainly wasn’t the same. Once the province finally moved into Stage 3 reopening, we were the first to return to our favourite establishments, albeit wearing facemasks and having to follow strange new protocols. When Niagara’s chief medical officer Dr. Hirji imposed Section 22 orders on the entire region at the beginning of November, it pretty much shut us down for the rest of the year. A huge shout out to Mike B for offering up his basement clubhouse for the past few weeks so that we could finish the year properly. Ironically, it would be these types of private gatherings that the Health Unit was hoping to avoid happening in the first place....
We also want to raise a glass to all of the bar and restaurant owners, servers and hospitality workers out there who have struggled through this past year. We know it hasn’t been easy and we appreciate the effort you have all put in to try and keep the doors open for us to return. We also encourage everyone to continue to support their local establishments, despite the restrictions. Order a take-out meal, pop in for lunch with family from your household, or someone ’essential’ to your wellbeing. Be cheerful with your servers and don’t be a dick about following the rules. It’s not their fault, nor their responsibility to police your actions.
As for the coming new year...everyone is placing their hopes on a vaccine rollout to finally end this. I am cautiously optimistic, but only time will tell.
A peaceful Christmas to all, or whatever you choose to celebrate. See you all on the other side!
Mike B: With fag voice... I don’t see a penis? Where’s that penis at? If I push on your belly, will the penis pop out? You silly slit!
Oh look everyone, Dr. Theresa Tam is about to give an update press conference about the coronavirus.
Woo Fucking Hoo!!!
- November - 2020: Trailside Bar & Grill, Ridgeway
- October - 2020: Romby’s, St Catharines
- March - 2020: Bezo’s Bar and Grill, Thorold
- February - 2020: Kim’s Wooden Nicol, St Catharines
- January - 2020: Frego’s Grillhouse & Bar, St. Catharines, ON
- July - 2019: The Porterhouse Brew Company, Dublin, Ireland
- July - 2019: The Temple Bar, Dublin, Ireland
- July - 2019: The Vat House Pub, Dublin, Ireland
- July - 2019: The Brazen Head, Dublin, Ireland
- July - 2019: Mulligan’s Pub, Dublin, Ireland
BHON Events History
The Weasel: For finally fucking off. (Note this award is to be
a permanent fixture)
Steve: When it gets hard it expands then it hits the back of your throat and you start gagging...
DerekJ: Pre-suffering. A unique two wing chemical reaction where the suicide wing does not taste hot, until the lower heat rated wing is consumed, then the suffering commences.
Derek: Yeah I’d offer sound advice to whomever requires it.
Rick: Do you have any dark beer other than Guinness?
Waitress: Uhhh Guinness?
Derek J: On the subject of raising kids... Everybody can fuck and most people shouldn’t.
DBSP: Drunken Bar Slob Percentile - method for rating wingery
CPU: Defined as a Continuing Poultry Unit - 10 mild or 2 "911" hot
EVFL: Environmental Flatulance Level - 2 part - sound/scent
ROFAR: Ring of Fire Alarm Rating - 4 alarm - very hot
SAF: Sauce Adhesion Factor - 1:1 is optimal
TAVAR: T+A Value Added Resource - The "view" helps the score.
PBBBBT!: Nude female skydiver sound effect. No whistle.
EVOG: Early Victim of Gravity.
DUFF: Designated Ugly Fat Friend.
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