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Out of Business!
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"When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory.. I
don’t remember what I chose."
-- Anon --
Good news folks….once all the bars have gone out of business due to the lockdown we might still have a place to go for a beer!
Rumor has it that in order to clarify the situation, 6 more colour coded zones will be added to the current lockdown rating system. Niagara will soon move to Turquoise-lockdown, which is essentially the same as the previous lockdown except you can’t jerk-off on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Schools will remain open, but kids should stay home unless they are going to school, else they should only go to school except when they should stay at home.
Next is ‘Sandalwood-lockdown’ which means essentially everyone should stay at home unless it is essential, or they feel essentially that they should go do something which is non-essential. Essential workers are of course exempt, except for non-essential reasons. Essentially, everyone should just fuck off.
Alabaster-lockdown will replace the current black lockdown which was deemed racist.
Autumn-seagrass-lockdown will replace the current red-zone lockdown, as the government felt a more calming, less alarmist colour would be better and also better match the curtains in the living and dining room. Plus, referring to things as red was deemed offensive to indigenous people and thus is no longer appropriate. (see Cincinnati Reds, Washington Redskins…)
Similarly, pink and blue have been banned as zone colours because lockdown zones shouldn’t be subject to gender discrimination.
Finally, the yellow zone has been removed as it was deemed offensive to Asian people. If your region is placed into this zone, it will now be referred to as ‘Spring-Daffodil-lockdown’ instead.
Meanwhile, while our government continues to fuck the dog on vaccinations, Dr. Tam released predictions for the 3rd wave based, as usual, on random numbers they pulled out of their assholes.
Steve: So the insurance said they'd cover $50 off laser eye surgery. Woo Hoo!
Mike G: LOL...where the hell can you get laser eye surgery for $50???
Mike B: The Nick Kittle eye clinic..."How many apples am I holding?" ***shaky hands***
Oh look everyone, Dr. Theresa Tam is about to give an update press conference about the coronavirus.
Woo Fucking Hoo!!!
- November - 2020: Trailside Bar & Grill, Ridgeway
- October - 2020: Romby’s, St Catharines
- March - 2020: Bezo’s Bar and Grill, Thorold
- February - 2020: Kim’s Wooden Nicol, St Catharines
- January - 2020: Frego’s Grillhouse & Bar, St. Catharines, ON
- July - 2019: The Porterhouse Brew Company, Dublin, Ireland
- July - 2019: The Temple Bar, Dublin, Ireland
- July - 2019: The Vat House Pub, Dublin, Ireland
- July - 2019: The Brazen Head, Dublin, Ireland
- July - 2019: Mulligan’s Pub, Dublin, Ireland
BHON Events History
|March 4th, 2021||MikeB||Clubhouse du MikeB||Collier+Summers||Please park 6 feet apart to protect from the weak ass covid 19. Don’t need excuses, just RSVP.|
The Weasel: For finally fucking off. (Note this award is to be
a permanent fixture)
COVID-19: - For continuing to fuck with our daily lives.
Our government: - For fucking the dog on whole vaccine rollout. You couldn’t possibly arrange for a bigger clusterfuck if you tried.
Dr. Hirji: - So Niagara’s numbers are lower than half the province that’s already reopened yet we’re STILL in fucking lockdown? WTF?
Dr. Theresa Tam: - Does someone piss on your cornflakes every morning to help contribute to your cheery personality?
Steve: When it gets hard it expands then it hits the back of your throat and you start gagging...
DerekJ: Pre-suffering. A unique two wing chemical reaction where the suicide wing does not taste hot, until the lower heat rated wing is consumed, then the suffering commences.
Derek: Yeah I’d offer sound advice to whomever requires it.
Rick: Do you have any dark beer other than Guinness?
Waitress: Uhhh Guinness?
Derek J: On the subject of raising kids... Everybody can fuck and most people shouldn’t.
DBSP: Drunken Bar Slob Percentile - method for rating wingery
CPU: Defined as a Continuing Poultry Unit - 10 mild or 2 "911" hot
EVFL: Environmental Flatulance Level - 2 part - sound/scent
ROFAR: Ring of Fire Alarm Rating - 4 alarm - very hot
SAF: Sauce Adhesion Factor - 1:1 is optimal
TAVAR: T+A Value Added Resource - The "view" helps the score.
PBBBBT!: Nude female skydiver sound effect. No whistle.
EVOG: Early Victim of Gravity.
DUFF: Designated Ugly Fat Friend.
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BHON Beer News
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Grain & Grit Beer Co. Releases Three New Beers - Canadian Beer News
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Drunk driver in P.E.I. who had beer, dog in vehicle jailed - Cape Breton Post
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