---

BHON Random Pics and Quotables du Jour!

Sokum: Let’s go around and dent all Hondas, then Dereks car will look factory fresh!

By JENNY YUEN, Toronto Sun

Why did the chicken cross the border?

To start a war with the beavers.

There’s an all-out frying war brewing in Toronto’s kitchens in anticipation of a U.S. wing company migrating north to Canada. And everyone’s calling the other chicken, so to speak.

Minneapolis-based Buffalo Wild Wings is poised to set up shop in Oshawa and Mississauga next spring, followed by locations in major cities Toronto, Edmonton, Calgary and Winnipeg before heading east to Quebec and Nova Scotia.

The company plans to open 50 restaurants across the country over the next five years.

It will be a big plunge into the chicken wing scene, which has been booming for the past several years.

Meanwhile, pubs and chicken wing joints in Toronto are already squawking about their new competition’s imminent arrival.

And it sounds like they won’t give up their territory without a fight.

“I was here first and if you want to go, let’s go. I’m not scared,” says Rick Smiciklas, founder of Aurora-based Wild Wing, to his American competition.

“We want to bring some American money into Canada and try to get some tourism back. I’ve had some people take a run at me and I’m going to defend myself.”

What Smiciklas is talking about is a lawsuit he recently launched against Buffalo Wild Wings. The Ontario-based Wild Wing founder, who oversees 80 locations in the province alone with 100 more to open in the next three years across Canada and brokered deals in Iran and India, said the Wild Wing brand became a registered Canadian trademark in March 2003, a month prior to Buffalo Wild Wing’s application to trademark itself in Canada.

“I wish all my competitors well, but what’s right is right,” Smiciklas says. “They tried to intimidate me and use fear tactics ... that they’re going to sue me. They’re trying to get a trademark to operate under that name. And it’s now up to a judge to decide. I’m holding a press conference Wednesday.”

The Yanks innocently say: We’re just trying to rub wings with our neighbours to the north.

“It’s not a battle, it’s about providing choices,” says Buffalo Wild Wings vice-president Matt Brokl. “I recognize there are some comments that are out there, we’re confident that Buffalo Wild Wings and the other chain can survive in the market and co-exist. There’s enough room for more than one wing place in Canada.”

Buffalo Wild Wings was started in 1982 by two wing lovers who were unable to find Buffalo-style chicken in Ohio.

In the U.S., the company boasts 684 locations, and plans to grow to 1,000 by 2013.

“Wings are the biggest food we sell, but we’re all about sports,” Brokl says. “It’s really a different atmosphere here.”

Wild Wing, on the other hand, is all about humanizing stories behind each of its 107 flavours.

“It’s been 17 years since I’ve had a drink ... and decided to base it on my drinking life. I used to drink a six-pack so I had six flavours, then 52. I have 14 naked flavours (on the menu) because when I was younger, I had my way with women, so I had 14 different ways to get them naked,” Smiciklas laughs.

“I named Brown Eyed Girl after my daughter because she has beautiful brown eyes.”

The buzz of Buffalo Wild Wings has circulated through the chicken coop of other smaller shops. St. Louis Bar and Grill has 27 stores in Ontario and its chief financial officer Steve Drexler says they are humble when it comes to a U.S. wing invasion.

“It helps create top-of-mind awareness in terms of the consumer believing that wings are a full meal and we welcome competition,” Drexler says. “We’re a well-recognized brand in Toronto. We have 27 stores here and we think competition makes everyone improve. Even if it comes from the States.”

The secret is in few ­­— but mighty — sauces, he says.

“All of our products are marinated and proprietary. We believe in doing a few sauces really well. We’re not sure what the market is for chocolate sauce, it’s a marketing ploy,” he says.

“Imitation is the biggest form for flattery. We began this in Toronto and we have had a lot of people follow us. We are the originator and competition is flattering.”

Duff’s Famous Wings — the two T.O. locations glorified for its Armageddon sauce (a dangerous 850,000 Scoville Heat Units that will burn the strongest-willed tongue) — was picked by many Sun readers as the best wings in town. Alas, the two brothers were quite busy preparing for the opening of their third Toronto location in Vaughan.

As for the ma and pa shops — they’re not really worried.

In fact, Stephanie Coones of the Crown and Dragon Pub on Yonge St., calls her establishment “the underdog” when it comes to beating the big wing guys.

“People that like Duff’s and St. Louis have converted to us, they just come back here and they bring people,” she says.

“I don’t think we threaten them because we’re so tiny, but they don’t threaten us either because people just like our wings better. We have lineups outside our door on wing night. We’re just so confident that anyone we go up against, we’re going to get picked.”

They have won in all categories of the Toronto Wing-Off 2009 competition in January, surpassing the more prominent names, Coones says. Later that year, they were victorious again.

“Post City Magazines had a ‘Wing-Off’ in December and Thurman Thomas, an ex-NFLer came and he’s a big wing guy from Buffalo, he picked ours. St. Louis and Duff’s were lagging behind.”

The tiny enclave near Davenport Rd., which expanded to a second location in Unionville, was pitted against four heavyweights – Jack Astor’s, St. Louis, Hooters and Duff’s.

Crown and Dragon won for best barbecue buffalo wing for its smoky Key West recipe; Dragon’s Breath nabbed best hot buffalo wing; Roadside Lemonade (fresh rosemary and lemonade) was named most original flavour; and Bollywood, a Tandoori wing captured best international flavour during the Wing-Off.

“There’s been some teasing online that it wasn’t really a Wing-Off because Einstein’s (on College) wasn’t there, well, you know what? We want them to come next time. I want to shut these people up,” Coones says.

“Yes, it is competitive. At the Wing-Off, I wasn’t leaving until I sauced those wings. I wanted them to be perfect. And we’ve beat the self-proclaiming best wing joints in town,” Coones says.

Another independent outfit, the Wing Company opened its doors last year, but says they’re heading in a different direction: catering to the condo market with take-out and delivery.

“When it comes down to the full service market, there’s definitely a chicken wing war between St. Louis, Wild Wing and the big boys coming from the U.S.,” says Rob Fragomeni, who runs the business with his brother Len.

“We’re right at King and Bathurst and our focus with the wing company is take out and delivery. We deliver 15,000-18,000 wings a week. There’s something going on in the wing industry and in the next five years.”

Fragomeni says they are surrounded by wing places around the corner — St. Louis and the Wheat Sheaf — but they’re too busy doing their own thing to care.

“We have one wing and 40 flavours,” he says. “What we’ve created is the new Pizza Pizza, 241 for the wing industry. So we’re not really concerned about the beer sales. We’re concerned about the 50% more wings everyday, all day.”

Chicken wing wars, Fragomeni says, can get down and dirty with all the players involved. Recipes are airtight and who knows, maybe even wing spies lurk in the shadows reading to snatch up that secret ingredient.

“Wings used to be the man-man’s food and now they’re the man-woman’s food,” he said. “Everyone’s on the hunt for the hottest wing, the spiciest wing, there’s so many different avenues of it."

And as the rivalry continues to brew in Toronto, all contenders in the ring are remaining pretty civil at this point. But keep in mind that all’s fair in love and wing war. And if all that’s left is a pile of bones, all the better.

“I have no fear,” Smiciklas says. “It’s like Muhammad Ali. You live in fear, you die in fear.”

jenny.yuen@sunmedia.ca

• June - 2010: The Lazy Lizard, St Catharines
  
• May - 2010: The Street Tap & Eatery, St Catharines
  
• May - 2010: Badda Bing Roadhouse, Welland
  
• March - 2010: Olde Angel Inn, NOTL
  
• March - 2010: The Irish Harp Pub, NOTL
  
• February - 2010: Hooligan’s Sports Bar, Niagara Falls
  
• February - 2010: The Flats Bar & Grill, St Catharines
  
• January - 2010: The Overtime Pub, Thorold
  
• December - 2009: The Reeb House, Port Colborne
  
• October - 2009: BHON 13th Anniversary, St. Catharines
  

The Weasel: For finally fucking off. (Note this award is to be a permanent fixture)

---

Wing Slams:

---

Quotables:

Mike G: I don’t need a THICKER and WIDER dick, maybe you need a SMALLER and TIGHTER vagina?

Mike G: I’m sick of that Prolixis advertisement on HTZ-FM all the time...."Be THICKER and WIDER! Size DOES matter to women!"
Robin: I understand that is a problem for you then?
Mike B: Nahhh...his hands are just TOO big! LOL!

Mike G: I guess the iPad would be the appropriate device for viewing the blue waffle?

Kathy: I saw the STRABAG trailers set up in the hydro field off Stanley.
Mike B: STRABAG? Like the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz?
Kathy: Huh? What does a scarecrow have to do with STRABAG?
Mike B: Straw bag? Get it?
Kathy: evil eye

Kathy: Where is Derrick tonight? Didn’t he pick?
Chris: He might still be in Philly.
Kathy: No I think he’s home, I saw he updated his Facebook.
Chris: Oh of course! There’s no WAY he could update facebook and still be in Philly. I hear they don’t have Internet there..
Mike B: They have the old kind of internet....it’s made of wood!
Kathy: Oh fuck off!

---

Wing Terms:

DBSP: Drunken Bar Slob Percentile - method for rating wingery
CPU: Defined as a Continuing Poultry Unit - 10 mild or 2 "911" hot
EVFL: Environmental Flatulance Level - 2 part - sound/scent
ROFAR: Ring of Fire Alarm Rating - 4 alarm - very hot
SAF: Sauce Adhesion Factor - 1:1 is optimal
TAVAR: T+A Value Added Resource - The "view" helps the score.
PBBBBT!: Nude female skydiver sound effect. No whistle.
EVOG: Early Victim of Gravity.
DUFF: Designated Ugly Fat Friend.

---

BHON.NET is desgined for a minimum display resolution of 1024x768.
If it looks like crap, please upgrade your ghetto-ass computer!